Taking Personal Responsibility:  A Path to a Powerful Life

The concept of personal responsibility became much more attractive to me when I realized it meant exercising my freedom of choice.  The way I experience life is a direct result of the choices I have made.  Recently, I was given the chance to review how often I responded with “yes” when it would have served me better to say “no” or visa versa.  Think about it, how many times have you said “yes” knowing that you were going to say “no” at a later time while lamenting the hours, days, weeks or months, until that day came when you actually had to speak your truth?  My personal “favorite” is when I say yes to too many things, stress myself out, don’t really enjoy the activity and ultimately drain my energy due to my own lack of setting healthy boundaries for myself.  Does this sound familiar?  I have found that saying “no” is just as important as saying “yes” and the more I exercise choice from an honest perspective the easier it is to ask for what I want and actually receive it!

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Taking personal responsibility for your life means learning to know what you want from life, asking for it, and then allowing it.  A few years ago I had to learn how to say, “yes” to life.  During this transition into a new habit my mind would swing from one extreme to another until I found an emotional equilibrium inside of me where authenticity lives and thrives.  Consequently, there were times when all I could do was say no until I finally became secure enough with my choices to actually ask for and commit to what I truly wanted.  Cultivating this habit has allowed me to accept personal responsibility in my life for everything I do.

This is not an easy task to take on.  It means being responsible for each and every action I take and word I speak.  It means taking personal responsibility for the people that show up in my life and how I allow those relationships to unfold.  It means being honest with myself.  It means not blaming others for how my life looks.  It means sometimes feeling very “alone” or “not being liked”.  It means apologizing when necessary.  Moreover, it means not feeling I have to apologize because the person I have said no to is not accepting my “no” and ultimately not respecting my need to care for myself.  Which brings up a great point.  Be aware of who is, or is not, supporting you during this transition.  You will be surprised.  It’s actually a very large part of the process. 

Therefore, be sure to surround yourself with supportive people who honor your personal growth.  The following are some guidelines I followed on the road to gaining more personal power and responsibility in my life:

1) Be honest with yourself.  Listen to your inner guide/intuition.  When you are faced with a decision or situation your intuition (or gut response) will always tell you what is best.  It has been said that a TRUE and most authentic choice is made within the first 9 seconds in any given situation.  Even if I feel I have to “sleep on it”, the inner voice that spoke to me within those first 9 seconds ends up being the best choice.

2) Stop playing the blame game.  The blame game is the absolute anti-thesis of taking personal responsibility and one of the most toxic behaviors in our culture.  What’s the blame game?  In blame game we blame the entire world when we don’t experience the life we ultimately desire.  Suggestion: Take responsibility for your life as it looks today.  Forgive yourself, and everyone else, and move on to higher grounds.  You deserve it!

3) Ask yourself what it is you really want out of life.  Not what your parents, society or friends tell you.  We are talking about Y.O.U. here.  Get in touch with the REAL YOU. In each of us, there is a dream life, hobby, job, relationship, etc. that we have always wanted to experience.  I suggest you make a list of EVERYTHING you want and make this list as long as possible!  Write it in present tense.  For example,  “I have a fulfilling career.”  “I have a loving and evolving relationship.”  Include EVERYTHING you have every wanted to ask for in life – EVERYTHING!  Don’t be shy or modest.  It is true that we live in an Infinite Universe – I am living proof of this – and since we know there is more than enough for everyone  – why not ASK FOR IT ALL-ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! What are you waiting for?  Go for it!  Ask and it is truly given.

4) Say “yes” when you really mean it.  Only say yes to the things in life that bring you joy or serve your highest good.  Sacrifice comes when relationships are honoring enough to warrant you giving of yourself beyond usual (please repeat this aloud several times). Until a great deal of trust is cultivated within a relationship, only say yes when you mean it.  When used for personal gain, sacrifice can turn into martyrdom.  So, do not say yes if you are going to use it as ammunition to get what you want at a later time (martyrs and manipulators – this means you!).  Ask yourself, “Do I REALLY mean yes or am I saying yes with attachment to an outcome or ulterior motives?”  “Am I trying to please someone by saying yes?”  Practice saying the word “yes” in a mirror.  It’s hard to speak an emphatic “YES!” without smiling.  Try it!  If you are not smiling when you say yes what do you think the real answer is? 

5) Say “no” when you really mean it (without feeling the need to apologize).  Say no to the things that do not ultimately bring you joy or serve your highest good.  If there is any doubt of a definite yes – stand in your power and say no!  Remember, people don’t like hearing “no”.  However, when I am in my power and say “no” from a self-respecting, non-arrogant or non-confrontational place the “no” is more often acknowledged and received with respect.

6) When all else fails say “I don’t know”.  Most of us have a hard time admitting that we don’t know something.  Learning to say this out loud is one of the most empowering things I have learned to do.  “I don’t know” does not mean you are not smart, or any of the negative beliefs you may have associated with it.  “I don’t know” simply means that you need more time before you can make a decision.

7) Cultivate a group of people who honor the way you live your life.  Taking personal responsibility for my life means cultivating a common-unity of friends who are on a similar path.  We are all at different stages of development at any given point in time.  Respectfully.  I enjoy having friends from all walks of life.  Ultimately, the deepest and most satisfying relationships involve congruent and innate values, mores, and sense of personal responsibility.   Hopefully, people will trust and respect your honesty.  If they don’t, this is a big clue folks.  They are not in a position to have authentic and honest dialog – don’t take their response personally.  Not everyone is capable of living with this degree of personal integrity.

The road to personal responsibility may sound daunting, however, on the contrary, I guarantee you a greater sense of freedom and enJOYment when personal ownership and accountability lead your way.  Like any habit, this will take time to cultivate.  Consider the seed you plant in the earth.  With the right balance of water and sunlight you faithfully wait for the growth of something new to gently find its way through the soil as new life emerges.  From this tree of life grows sweet fruit…freedom, joy, integrity, and a highly attractive sense of confidence and authenticity.  Everyone will notice something different about you.  Delight in your fresh crop of your consciousness and show the world they can do it too!

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Lisa Sahakian is an entrepreneur-philanthropist, yoga practitioner, health educator and forever student of life.  She is dedicated to empowering women and creating a self-actualized sisterhood of support while facilitating access to greater authenticity and absolute bliss from within for all.  Lisa began teaching health and fitness when she was 16.  While Lisa focuses on women's health she is also celebrates and supports the balance and necessity of the masculine.  For more information on classes, workshops and collaboration, please contact Lisa at lisasahakian@earthlink.net or 310-508-3303.