What exactly does that mean?  Has anyone ever done this successfully?  Is there a quicker way to walk through your own darkness?  Can a healer take away some of this pain!??!?!?!? Did you know that repressed anger is the main cause of depression?
 
As an eternal optimist and recovered “people pleaser”, embracing my darkness was something I would have rather “turned into a positive!”  Today I realize I have spent most of my life avoiding the unavoidable.  For example, I first began writing articles for Goddess Queen E-zine in October 2006, and the topic then was “Darkness”.  I didn’t feel like writing about it at that time mostly because I had just finished walking through an intensely dark period in my life where I actually felt complete separation and absence of God.  I tell people, “It was the hardest and most beautiful experience I have ever known and I would not choose to do it again, but if I had to…I would if it meant knowing what I know now.”

A year ago I thought I could choose to avoid writing about darkness, “How could there be any more left!!!” I thought.  However, the blessed cycle of life, karma, destiny, etc… has given me this opportunity once again and I have learned that the topic is not only unavoidable but also vital to my existence. 
 
Most spiritual teachings, profits, religions and philosophies address the topic of darkness.  In one sect of Buddhism, you intentionally chant to bring about your “fundamental darkness.”  Buddhists believe that it is through your darkness that you will find your karmic destiny and dharma.  Carl G. Jung referred to it as our “shadow side”; spiritual teachings speak of it as “the dark night of the soul.”  Any way you slice it – darkness is one main reason why we are here in this life, as this person, this time around.

No one person is void of their own darkness no matter how happy they say they are, how they look on the outside, how much money they have, or even how “spiritually evolved” they are.  In fact, Mother Teresa’s personal dairies reflect that she spent most of her days questioning the existence of God and that for most of her life she was faced with the an enigmatic experience of her own darkness.  And she was a Saint!  So, how do I deal with it?  Embrace it! (When I can, that is).  I use to really hate it when people would tell me “Embrace it Lisa, it’s you, it's okay; blessed be, darkness is the light that’s yet to be” blah blah blah…but it was all true.  So the question is not “how do I deal with darkness” it’s “what are the ways I choose to avoid darkness.”
 
When I take moment to write these articles I recall so much of my path and the lessons I have learned along the way – some even before I was aware of “my path.”  One great and early teacher, Norman Vincent Peale “The Power of Positive Thinking” taught me the concept of delayed gratification.  By applying delayed gratification, I learned how to manage my life by doing what I didn’t want to do first so I could fully enjoy the things I really wanted to do.

A simple example; I hate to vacuum; truly hate it.  And the longer I wait to do it, the more dirt piles up and I find myself lamenting during the activities I enjoy doing (like when company comes over and I have not vacuumed and I am too busy looking at the carpet rather than enjoying the company).  So, waiting to vacuum can actually take the joy away from the things I love doing.  With delayed gratification I get the vacuuming done first and I am more fully engaged in the moment and ultimately, happier (foreshadowing of my live-in-the-moment tantric lifestyle).  It is an over simplified analogy but it works.
 
Now, let’s use the ‘blessed vacuum’ as a metaphor for ‘darkness’.  It sits in the closet, dust piles up around it, some of us don’t even own one even though we need to break down and invest in it eventually, we fill it up and only empty it when it can no longer suck in any more dirt.  We wonder “Why is the vacuum cleaner is not picking up as much stuff?” and we keep pushing it harder and harder thinking “If I just keep going over this one area, sweep it, pick up the lint by hand, I can keep it just as clean!!!?   On the other hand, some of us vacuum almost daily to avoid even seeing the dirt!  Hummmmmmmmmmm…….is any of this resonating with anyone?  The even funnier thing is that I have wanted a new vacuum for about a long as I have been avoiding writing this article!  (Please feel free to laugh at my expense, I am.)
 
Darkness is a part of life.  No matter where I am; in the throws of pure radiant bliss or unavoidably soiled in the stench of my own karmic path, darkness happens about 50% of the time whether I like it or not.  If I am able to remain in a state of awareness throughout my day, I experience the ebb and flow of yin/yang.  Nature provides her effortless example by giving me the direct experience of Sun for half the day and Moon the remaining half.  The degree to which aspect I choose to participate in (key word, choose) determines how my life looks and feels.

If I focus on the dark – more darkness will appear.  One solution is to continue to develop my witness consciousness (and probably more things that I have yet to learn) so that while darkness happens I can watch it and be less at the affect of it while I am experiencing it.  Easier said than done.  Practitioners and Gurus can open doors but I have to walk through them with the strength of my own faith and conviction.  I have learned that no matter what perspective I choose, the lessons of life continue to show up and I have to be honest with myself enough to discern how and when to deal with them because, like this article, I can never avoid having to embrace my dark side.

They say, “The only way to It is through It” and I believe this.  I can find a book, lesson, yoga pose, mediation, or Guru that can help accelerate the process but when darkness shows up I am the only one who can heal it.  I have learned to accept that darkness will always come up but I can guaranteed that in the midst of my deepest darkest feelings is the brightest light that shines from within that only I can find. It is the “work” I am here to do and in the process of “finding it” I have found many answers.  The answers come at any given point in time.  If I am aware, I can hear answers everywhere.  At the grocery store, in a spam email, when I am wining and dining with friends, during mediation, as I turn my key to start my car, in a yoga class, the answers are everywhere!
 
How do I deal with my own darkness?  I wish I had one easy answer to share.  The signs are indeed everywhere and sometimes they feel just out of my grasp.  That’s the tricky ego at work.  The ego is so afraid of losing itself that it likes to keep us “too busy” or worse, immobile and fearful. There are many workshops, practitioners and paths that can take me there – to the doors that is.  But once at the doors, I must choose to walk through them.  And friends cannot really help me other than offer empathy.  Too many voices can create even more chaos.

I am also aware that the darkness will continue to show up until I fully allow myself to “go there.”  Yikes!  On purpose?!?!  Yes.  I can allow life to throw me into some deep tragic drama filled experience that forces me to get ill, lose a job, a friend or some life changing event or lesson that I have to learn one more time, or, simply find a road that allows me to face my own darkness with grace, courage, faith and support.  I have chosen both on many occasions and I prefer the second choice.  Quite frankly, the more I face my own darkness the lighter I become. 
 
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Lisa Sahakian is an entrepreneur-philanthropist, yoga practitioner, health educator and forever student of life.  She is dedicated to empowering women and creating a self-actualized sisterhood of support while facilitating access to greater authenticity and absolute bliss from within for all.  Lisa began teaching health and fitness when she was 16.  While Lisa focuses on women's health she is also celebrates and supports the balance and necessity of the masculine.  For more information on classes, workshops and collaboration, please contact Lisa at lisasahakian@earthlink.net or 310-508-3303.