The natural balance between listening and sharing is apparent in the simple physiology of our bodies.  Our Souls were placed into a perfect vessel, also known as our body temple, with two divine ears and one mouth, which simply means that we naturally have the ability to receive more auditory input in relation to speaking.  The ability to hear, from a very primal perspective, has allowed us to survive as a species.  As evolving Beings we have been gifted with the use of language. However, often we forget how to truly be present with our Self and others in our listening and sharing styles of communication.

As a practitioner, I spend much time in the company of people from all walks of life.  From the homeless to the wealthy, every Soul exists to express and longs to be heard.  We live in a culture of quick fixes and drive through.  It’s delightful to know that we have access to anything and everything we need, virtually, at any given point and time.  What luxury!  Often, with such a lifestyle, we become accustomed to expecting (key word) instant gratification.  We forget that communication with another Soul is a practice of give and take, listening and sharing.  We have become a society of cell phones, emails and text messaging.  Somewhere along the road we have forgotten the art of listening and how with developed listening skills we can create the deeper intimacy we all crave.  It begins within.

How many of us are experiencing more and more people in a state of complete self-absorption?  If you are triggered by anything in this article than it might be a topic to explore.  I invite you to consider a theory that can serve us very well; when someone says something and we choose to REACT, then it's ‘our stuff’ and when someone says something and we have no RESPONSE, or charge, it’s generally 'their stuff'.  Witness this aspect of your Listening Divinity and see how & when you choose to play the role of listener vs. narcissist.

This is a big topic and with some simple rules of engagement we can be well on our way to creating deeper intimacy (in to me see) in all areas of life It begins with creating healthy boundaries.  First, imagine yourself standing in the center of four circles – call them boundaries.  The outer circle is the boundary where we get our needs met.  The second and closer circle is a bit too close for comfort and is the beginning of upset. 

The third circle is so close and often shows up looking like a “walking anger machine.”  The last circle reflects “the walking wounded” and this person experiences a constant state of threat – everything triggers this person and relationships exist entirely for them.  Which circle do you live in most?  What in life triggers you to move from one boundary to another?  Gage your ability to listen & share in direct association to where you are in the circle of boundaries.  Often, I find the 'down loaders' have listened/given too much in many other areas of their lives, have challenged boundaries, and do not spend enough time in silence with the Self.  It's like a filling a glass.  WE have to monitor what is poured into our space and what we choose to pour into the space of another Soul. Imagine this glass while you are listening and speaking.  Would you intentionally over pour a glass of water for yourself or a friend?  No. 

Usually, both the narcissist and giver have very unbalanced boundaries.  They are both extreme examples of communication styles.  Mindfulness in communication is one of the most Graceful and powerful tools a person can develop.  To be sure, the ability to communicate through language is what segregates human from animal.

Questions to ask your Self; How often do I hear things and choose to ignore them?  How often do I ask permission to download my life and emotionally charged and triggered stories into the space of another without regard to where they are at in that moment? A great rule to follow simply asking; "I really need to talk about something, is this is good time?"  Before you HEAR the response, watch and listen to the body language that you receive when you take the time to ask this question.  Givers will say yes almost 100% of the time.  Remember, it's very hard to say yes without smiling when you really mean, "yes".  If you are with a giver, see their Soul as your mirror, embody the Divine, and notice their ability (or lack there of) to say yes and mean it.  If they have said yes and you know they are 'just being nice' than be the bigger person.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be the friend you wish to attract.  Please do not blame friends for needing to take care of their Highest Self.   Further, if someone says "no", please do you get angry or offended?  Ask yourself, "Who am I really angry with?"  Honor their ability take care of themselves and be Truthful with you.  Look into the mirror of your Soul with what is showing up in front of you.  There is no way around it...transformation is an inside job.  Of course, it’s great to have people that we can confide in and share our lives with – that is part of the human experience.  However, the journey to the Soul Self begins inward.

Breathing into each moment keeps us present, open and available to what is happening now.  Remaining in the now moment is the key to a balanced and ecstatic life.  Learning to let go of old thought patterns, belief systems and behaviors can take as long as you'd like.  The time is now.  You can do it!  You are all teachers, wise Souls, and hopefully forever students of life.  You have walked your paths deeply and learned great skills of transformation at this point.  Use the skills you have been gifted with and listen to your heart & Soul before you connect with another Soul.  The answers are within.  Take a deep breath and remain in the present moment.  Notice how your conversations unfold when you do this - notice it all!!!  Be the impartial observer and witness of your own life. Watch, listen and learn from within.  In-joy the journey, the connections, the listening, and sharing.  Remember, alchemy exists in the silence.

Love, Joy, Peace to all Souls,
Lisa Sahakian

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Lisa Sahakian is an entrepreneur-philanthropist, yoga practitioner, health educator and forever student of life.  She is dedicated to empowering women and creating a self-actualized sisterhood of support while facilitating access to greater authenticity and absolute bliss from within for all.  Lisa began teaching health and fitness when she was 16.  While Lisa focuses on women's health she is also celebrates and supports the balance and necessity of the masculine.  For more information on classes, workshops and collaboration, please contact Lisa at lisasahakian@earthlink.net or 310-508-3303.