Find these suggestions and more in Gina Ogden’s new book: The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion

Rule number one for intimacy with a partner is self-acceptance.  Loving ourselves from the inside is what makes us earthly sex Goddesses.

You can’t feel true heart-to-heart connection from your partner until you love and accept yourself.  But how do you develop good feelings about yourself as a sexual being when the culture tells you how you’re supposed to look, dress, act, think, speak, eat, smell, make love, and reproduce?  And suppose your partner tells you you’re too fat, too thin, too blonde, too dark, too much, too little, too—whatever?  The problem goes deeper if you have some kind of obvious “difference,” like a mastectomy, or genital surgery, or a disability that affects how you look or move or feel.  It can take courage and determination to look beyond all this outside chatter and define yourself from the inside. 

Spend some quality time in front of a full-length mirror.  Talk to yourself and really listen to what the mirror says back to you—as if this special mirror can reflect what’s inside you as well as what’s on the surface.  This is a conversation you can try with your clothes on—and also naked.  Lights on and lights off.  Before and after bathing.  Before and after masturbating or making love.  Notice any differences in how your body feels and how you feel about your body.  Write positive messages and paste them on your mirror so you see them every day.  Feel how your body changes if you write, “I am an earthly sex Goddess!”

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Gina Ogden is a relationship therapist, sex therapist, and shamanic practitioner, but the title she loves best is “Sex Goddess”—because her books take you far beyond medical advice to explore many delicious and empowering dimensions of sexual experience.  Her latest book is The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion—which is based on her nationwide survey, “Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality” (ISIS).  She’s also author of Women Who Love Sex and The Heart and Soul of Sex.  She conducts workshops all over the country, and has appeared on numerous media shows including “Oprah.”  Visit her website: www.GinaOgden.com.  To write to her with your questions and comments, send an e-mail to Goddess@GinaOgden.com.